I have discussed politics in this blog frequently, but I have never tackled the other most controversial topic, religion. I believe my view of “God” differs from that of most people. Some people I respect a lot believe in a personal God who watches over us individually. Other people I respect do not believe in God at all. I think the latter view is foolish, since it is hard for me to accept that the universe does not have any overriding guiding force at all, that the creation of such a vast universe (and parallel universes as well if Everett’s "many worlds" theory and brane theory are to be believed) was entirely due to chance.

However, I suspect that “God” is so far removed from our level of existence that it (he? she? They both seem ludicrous designations for a cosmic entity) barely knows humans exist, if indeed it does at all. Creating the universe does not mean sitting at a cosmic computer controlling every little thing that happens in it. An infinite God must have the ability to set the forces of nature in operation, then let those forces carry out its plan without further intervention. So I doubt God is watching over each of us individually.

Still, it is difficult for me to believe that the direction of my life is totally by accident. When I was young, all I wanted to do was become a science fiction writer. To some extent that dream has never faded. The reason I became a teacher was because I believed it would give me time to write, which was so wrong because I have virtually no time to write fiction for 10 months of the year, while if I had a non-teaching job I would probably have time on weekends which overall total more time than summer vacation does. Instead the happiest times of my life, at least as happy as when I am reading and writing, are when I am in the Math Lab with my students. Not only am I surrounded by wonderful students every day, but I have had a string of special students who spend a lot of time chatting with me and who really fill me with joy.

Ironically, until this year I still believed I was basically a failure because I did not succeed as a science fiction writer, but this year has convinced me that I am much happier in the Math Lab than I would ever have been writing full-time. So, was the course of my life due entirely to chance? Perhaps it was, or maybe not. I’ll probably never know for sure, unless there is indeed an afterlife wherein everything will be answered.