I am not a particularly sociable person for two reasons. One reason would probably surprise a lot of people who only know me through school, but I am fairly insecure personally. It is very hard for me to meet new people, and carrying on “small talk” with other people is virtually impossible. And don’t mention parties to me, since they are inevitably causes for anxiety and frustration.

The other reason for my poor sociability is that I am fairly obsessed with my work, whether my schoolwork or my writing and reading out of school. If I am not accomplishing something–or reading, the only exception!–I feel very guilty that I am wasting needless time. There are several people at school with whom I am fairly friendly, but I never leave my office to go chat with them even though, if I encounter them in passing, or they come to visit me, I enjoy our conversations thoroughly. Quite frankly, I am surprised (but pleased) that they stay friendly with me.

I have quite a few correspondents, both former students and fellow sf fans, but I am a notoriously bad correspondent because I have a difficult time dragging myself away from ”serious” writing to do “frivolous” writing. And yet I really like all those people, and if I do not write to them regularly–or in some cases, IM them–I might easily lose them, which would really sadden me. But no matter how much I determine to be a better correspondent, somehow it rarely happens.

I am sure that I am not unique in being like this. I have a student who is fairly similar in attitude, and I hypocritically accuse her of not visiting me when her reasons for not doing so are probably very similar to my reasons for not visiting my friends. Science fiction fandom is filled with people who are anti-social either through choice or personality or both. Traditionally they get together at science fiction conventions and shed their anti-sociability for the weekend. Unfortunately, I am a geek among geeks who, in spite of attending many science fiction conventions when I was younger, was still unable to interact with other devoted science fiction fans.

What’s the point of all this venting? I guess it’s encouragement for all my friends out there reading this to write to me, or send me an IM. I promise I’ll reply asap. I don't want to lose any of you folks!