What do we mean precisely when we call somebody a friend? I suspect that is one of the most misused words in the English language since there are at least 4 different types of friends.

1. An acquaintance is somebody you encounter in your regular routine, whether at school or at work, a neighbor, a parent of your children’s friends, or somebody you see regularly at church or a place you volunteer occasionally. You are glad to see that person, and you happily spend time talking with them, but–and this is the important part–you do not make deliberate plans to share time with that person outside of the usual place where you encounter them. That makes them an acquaintance rather than a friend.

2. A casual friend can be somebody you talk with, but rarely socialize with. You are more likely to exchange email with them, or facebook, or occasionally IM. Perhaps an occasional phone call, but rarely. You may “get together” a few times a year, or see them at conferences, but hardly otherwise. These are certainly closer than acquaintances, because you do go out of your way to share an activity with them, but they are not the person you normally “hang out with” on weekends except on rare occasions.

3. A close friend is somebody you do spend time with on a fairly regular basis. Speaking on the phone, meeting for dinner, going to the mall, hanging at their house for a few hours, chatting online regularly. These are the people you look forward to seeing, and your conversations tend to be more revealing of your true selves and emotions than with either acquaintances or casual friends. You spend a greater portion of your free time overall with close friends than you do with anybody other than your nuclear family (parents, spouses, children).

4. A soul mate is the rarest of friends, somebody who emotionally is like an unofficial member of your nuclear family. You share your deepest feelings, values, and emotions with them. When you are happy, that is the person you share it with. When you are unhappy, they are there to console and advise you. You might not even spend as much physical time with a soul mate as you do with a close friend, but time is not the factor here; sharing is the key.

Some comments on the various types of friends:

• The numbers of people in the various categories decrease as you move down the list. We tend to have more acquaintances than casual friends, more casual friends than close friends, and only 1 or 2 soul mates if we are lucky. Some people have no soul mates their entire life;

• People in the first three categories are an ever-changing group. A close friend in high school might totally fade away in college. Acquaintances are totally dependent on your job, where you live, what activities you engage in, so they change with every change in your life;

• It is possible that somebody you consider a close friend only considers you a casual friend, and while there is often no enjoyment lost by those differences in categorization, the possibility of a friend fading away is more likely in a “one-sided” friendship;

• You are more likely to maintain a longer, richer relationship with your spouse if they are also your close friend. While it is possible for a spouse to also be a soul mate, often a spousal relationship is stronger if you have an additional soul mate as well, since no one friend can share every single aspect of your personality (each value, interest, emotional state), so having both a spouse and a soul mate strengthens both relationships.

Now some personal observations on my own life:

• As a teacher, I am friendly with several fellow teachers, but they are mostly acquaintances because none of them have any contact with me outside of school. There is only one former fellow teacher that I ever socialize with, and that is on an occasional, once-or-twice-a-year basis, so he and his wife are casual friends;

• I deliberately stay in touch with several of my former students, and several of them reply to my emails and occasionally IM or facebook me. With a few exceptions they are casual friends (although valued ones, but value is irrelevant to the level of a friendship). In fact, the majority of them likely consider me an acquaintance since I initiate nearly all the contact and they only reply, if at all, when they hear from me;

• I published a monthly magazine with a readership of about 100 people. I have some type of interaction with nearly all the readers, all of it some type of written exchange. Since all this interaction is totally voluntarily, I consider all my readers casual friends as well, even though I have only ever met at most a small handful of them in person;

• How many close friends do I actually have? My wife and I are very friendly with one couple, and there are a few former students whom I chat with regularly, one almost daily. Other than that, I cannot think of anybody that I spend considerable free time with, whether in person or online. I realize that some people probably have at least 6-12 close friends, but I have always been somewhat of an anomaly socially;

• Soul mates are too personal to discuss in public!

I am four days into summer vacation (and, no, I am not so anal that I keep track of how many days I have left, although I happen to know there are 69 days left), and each day has gone differently so far. But let me give you an overview of what a “typical” day of summer vacation is like for me:

7:30am. Wake up. I do not need an alarm clock for this, since I rarely sleep more than 7-7 ½ hours per night.

8:30am. After breakfast, usually a bowl of granola with fruit, I move to the computer where I spend the morning working. The first hour I usually write my daily journal, my semi-weekly blogs, reply to correspondence, loc (“letters of comment”) fanzines, etc. The next 2½ hours are spent working on “serious” writing, either the nonfiction, book, some fiction, or VoP.

12:00noon. Lunch. I am the leftover consumer of the family, so lunch usually consists of remnants of dinners from previous nights. I am very fortunate that nobody else in my family particularly likes leftovers, since I love them!

1:00pm. Afternoons are more flexible than mornings. Three afternoons I go to the YMCA. Other days I shop (either at the supermarket or the local farm store), vacuum, or do some math competitions (for fun and brain exercise). Usually by mid-afternoon I’ll take an hour break to read fiction.

4:30pm. Time to cook dinner, which I really enjoy doing. During the school year I make fairly reliable stuff, but in the summer I often try more offbeat stuff. One day this week I made a new recipe of pasta with garlic, olive oil, bread crumbs and green beans. It was absolutely delicious, and my family enjoyed it as well, but several of them had one immediate question: where’s the meat? I guess we won’t be eating many vegetarian meals this summer!

6:00pm. I usually spend another hour or two on the computer continuing my work from the morning. Afterwards I’ll play some guitar (I am so bad I am the anti-Eric Clapton), do my abs exercises (which have really improved my back the past few years), then read for a few more hours. Not all fiction this time, since I’ll join the rest of my family in the rec room for awhile, during which I do lighter magazine reading. I’ll also go back to the computer to do a bit of IM chatting with one of my friends later in the evening. [And, yes, I would love to see more of you guys online some of the time, too!]

11:30pm. Good night, see you tomorrow.

I got these questions from http://kenyonsf.livejournal.com/.

1. What is in the backseat of your car right now?
Umbrellas. I am almost obsessively neat.

2.When was the last time you threw up?
Many years ago when I had a severe stomach virus

3.What's your favorite curse word?
The Italian F word

4.Name 3 people who made you smile today.
Jean, Andy, Mark

5.What were you doing at 8:00 a.m. today?
Editing the next issue of Visions of Paradise

6.What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Browsing through a cookbook looking for vegetarian recipes

7.What will you be doing 3 hours from now?
Sleeping!!!

8. Have you ever been to a strip club?
No

9. What is the last thing you said aloud?
I don’t remember; it’s been awhile ☺

10. What is the best ice cream flavor?
Strawberry

11. What is the last thing you had to drink.
Peppermint tea

12. What are you wearing right now?
Shorts, rugby shirt, sneakers

13. What was the last thing you ate?
A dish of frozen yogurt

14. Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
No

15. When was the last time you ran?
I don’t recall.

16. What is the last sporting event you watched?
Yankees game (while looking for recipes)

What happened to 17?
It went into the black hole of recommended reading that I keep but from which no books ever emerge

18. Who is the last person you emailed?
Fei Fei

19. Ever go camping?
Numerous times

20. Do you have a tan?
Not yet

OK, now what happened to 21, 22, and 23?
They were pulled into the black hole by #17

24. Do you drink soda from a straw?
No

25. What did your last IM say.
“Good for you”

26. Are you someone's best friend?
I like to believe that I am, but I really don’t know for sure

27. What are you doing tomorrow?
More of the same; summer vacation began today!

28. Where is your mom right now?
Dead

29. Look to your left, what do you see?
A huge pile of magazines which I haven’t read yet

30. What color is your watch?
I rarely wear a watch. Everywhere I go are clocks

31. What do you think of when you think of Australia?
Bruce Gillespie

32. Would you consider plastic surgery?
I would consider it, but not for me!

33. What is your birthstone?
No idea

34. Do you go in at fast food joints, or just hit the drive through?
When I am forced to go to a fast food place, I enter it

35. How many kids do you want?
For what purpose?

36. Do you have a dog?
No, my two cats would not be happy about that

37. The last person you talked to on the phone.
Fei Fei

38. Have you met anyone famous?
Only in science fiction circles

39. Any plans today?
It’s almost bed time, so I plan to sleep!

40. How many states have you lived in?
1

41. Ever go to college?
Yes

42. Where are you right now?
My office at home

43. Biggest annoyance in your life right now.
Every year my hypochondria grows a tiny bit stronger while my insecurity hangs on tough

44. Last song listened to:
Bruce Springsteen’s version of “Jacob’s Ladder”

46. Are you allergic to anything?
The usual seasonal allergies

47. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time.
Sneakers since I have bad feet

48. Are you jealous of anyone?
Envious of people who make friends easily

50. Is anyone jealous of you?
I doubt it; why would they possibly be?

51. What time is it?
10:42 pm

52. Do any of your friends have children?
Yes

53. Do you eat healthy?
Mostly

54. What do you usually do during the day?
Now? Write, read, cook

55. Do you hate anyone right now?
I resent some people; hate is much too strong a word

56. Do you use the word "hello" daily?
Yes

58. How old will you be turning on your next birthday?
&%*$#@

59. Have you ever been to Six Flags?
Yes

60. How did you get one of your scars?
Cut myself when I was very young

School is out at last...and I’m so glad I passed

Much as I really enjoy being at school, summer vacation is a welcome treat. It means no more 6½ day work weeks, no more waking up at 5:15am, time to read and write and relax. While I will definitely miss my students, especially the graduates, some of them are kind enough to exchange email and even to chat with me occasionally, so that’s nice.

Graduation went very well, and both Ela’s valedictory and Ben’s salutatory speeches were very good. Ela’s song was a highlight, but so was Ben’s comment about all the memories he and his classmates gathered all year: “Priceless? No, all those activities cost $1,600!”

My plans for the next 11 weeks include working on a new book (with a photographer friend) and catching up on all the correspondence I let slide during the school year. I’m sure a lot of friends are wondering if I slipped over the edge of the Earth recently.

Currently reading: Summer is my prime reading season, so I’m planning to start Ken Follett’s historical epic Pillars of the Earth this weekend.

Currently listening: The Foo Fighters are one of the great contemporary rock and roll bands, and their latest cd Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace is one of their very best works.

As school winds down, I have been fortunate this week to be in contact with some of my favorite people who all happen to be related to school somehow:

I have been exchanging messages on Facebook with Sudarshan (former student, class of '97) who is in India right now preparing for his wedding on July 6th. I wish him the best of luck and hope he is as happy in his marriage as I have been in mine.

I have been chatting via IM almost daily with Sneha (class of '03), one of my favorite students, and certainly my most faithful one. She seems pleased with her job at DB which is nice since she deserves all the happiness she can get.

Sarah is a former teacher in my school who left three years ago to go to graduate school with the goal of doing missionary work. She has now finished her degree program and is beginning to work for her church, where I have no doubt she will succeed very well.

I had planned to write to Preeti tonight (class of '06), but she surprised and delighted me by showing up in the Math Lab today. That was her home for three years of high school, so much so that at one point I made a sign renaming it in her honor! We chatted for over an hour today, and it seemed as if nothing had changed between us since she graduated.

I really enjoy staying friendly with my former students, and five of them–including the three mentioned above–are among my very closest friends. Why would anybody want to have any other profession than being a teacher?

Today is Mark and Kate’s engagement party at the swim club with 55-60 people attending. The weather is supposed to be in the 80s but with a chance of thundershowers. Hopefully everything will go fine.

Yesterday was the annual Math Department barbecue which continued a week of endless eating. Every morning during exams faculty members bring breakfast to school, and next week we have a luncheon Wednesday and a retirement banquet Thursday. This is worse than Christmas vacation!

I am not looking forward to next week’s graduation. It is always a bit sad bidding farewell to my students, but this year will be even sadder than usual. It seems as if every other teacher in the school is anxious for the year to end, but I would prefer it to continue a bit longer.

Perhaps my favorite event of the entire school year is the Senior Awards Ceremony, and I had an even more wonderful time last night than usual. I was delighted to present the Faculty Scholarship to Agnes and Ela, two very special students. Both of them took a lot of awards overall which they richly deserved for their many accomplishments during their high school careers.

The math awards went to Sabrina as Math Student of the Year, and GG, Ben and Ela for overall Excellence in Math. I was also glad to have a chance to recognize the wonderful officers of both the Asian American Club (president Michelle, vice-president Joy, John and Stefanie) and the Indian Culture Club (president Kruti, vice-president Dhara, JJ and Sharan). A nice night for a great bunch of kids.

The temperatures hovered were around 100o Monday and Tuesday, so school closed at noon both days. Rather than wait until evening in an intolerable building, I went home both afternoons and took brief naps, so that helped me get through two consecutive long nights.

The faculty are invited to the first hour of the senior prom every year, but I have never gone, partly because it is always so far from where I live, but also because no students have ever shown any interest in seeing me there. And without some interest, why would I expect they would particularly want to see me at their prom anyway? But yesterday my wife told me that her girls were bugging her to go with me to see them. Had I known that prior to the prom, I might actually have gone this year since I had more interest in seeing these students than I usually have.

Mark and Kate are camping with friends this weekend, planning to go canoeing on a river there. Unfortunately, the weather is supposed to be intolerably hot this weekend, approaching 100 degrees the next three days. That should also make school very uncomfortable Monday. Thankfully, we only have three more days of classes before the start of final exams and various end-of-the-year activities, some of them heartwarming (the senior awards ceremony, graduation) and others stomach-warming (faculty breakfasts during exams, and the retirement banquet).

This is always the most enjoyable part of the school year, but it is also a sad time since it means saying farewell to another group of students who spent a lot of time in my office the past few years. People who know me well will not be surprised that I will miss one student more than any other student I have had recently.

The last full week of classes is always a busy one. Last night was the county-wide Valedictorian-Salutatorian dinner which I was fortunate enough to attend with Ela and her family, and we all had a good time.

Tonight is the senior prom, which automatically causes disruptions at school with seniors leaving early today and staying out tomorrow. These two days are also my Honors Algebra 2 presentations which are lots of fun, the highlight of the year in many ways. And I am busily grading all the Statistics activities I have assigned my two classes to do this last month of the year, 8 activities each times 40 students equals 320 activities to grade. What was I thinking?!?

Two of my close friends are unhappy because of various stresses in their lives. There is not much I can do to help them, except provide a friendly ear and maybe offer a bit of advice. I almost annoyed another friend by rashly assuming she is less of a friend than she really is, but I apologized and everything’s all right.

Everything looks sunnier because a ten-week vacation is looming right over the horizon. If I stand on my toes and squint a bit I can see the first day practically waving at me!